


Too Close to the Flame

by celestial_ringleader



Category: The Greatest Showman (2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Barlyle- Fire and Ice AU, Burns, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fire Powers, I'm Bad At Tagging, Ice Powers, M/M, Mentions of past abuse, Phillip is so concerned for his boyfriend, barlyle- freeform, but its not super detailed so it should be fine, i dont know if i'll write more for this but who knows, i guess a slight warning for burns, jacque made me do this, just a quick little one shot, phil is so cute here, phin needs a hug, this au will be the death of me, to the point where he would risk hurting himself to comfort him, touch-starved Phin, unbeta'd word vomit warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 18:02:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17187752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celestial_ringleader/pseuds/celestial_ringleader
Summary: Sometimes Barnum wishes they would stop reminding him of the dangerous side of his “blessing” and move on with their lives. Sometimes he wishes he can simply drown it all out, but every evening he finds himself unable to find sleep from the fear of one day hurting someone...again.OrPT sometimes has trouble putting his past to rest.





	Too Close to the Flame

**Author's Note:**

> Hulloo this was an impulsive excuse to write something for @rewrite_a_million_dreams Fire and Ice au (which i helped with somewhat xD)
> 
> This is unbeta'd so be warned if everything here seems like word vomit xD
> 
> If you liked this, please leave kudos and comments \o/
> 
> Anyways enjoy! (This was all your fault btw jacque)

Phineas Barnum had always been an untameable forest fire, a smoldering heat that cannot possibly be controlled. He of course knows this, it’s been practically engraved in him the moment he discovered this side of him. While a select few (usually his close friends) see this as a gift, most believe this to be a curse. Phineas finds it harder to ignore the majority day after tiring day. 

He remembers how hard it was when he was a boy, wandering from house to house, looking for a place to stay for the night when it was cold out, only to have door after door slammed into his face, being told his “kind” doesn’t deserve to live, that he should just let himself die out in the cold like the rest of them. Phineas remembers running to the nearest warm spot he could find and just crying his eyes out, wishing for his mother and father to be there with him, just anyone who didn’t wish to see him rot and freeze in the ice, begging for someone to hold him and tell him he isn’t some monster.

Sometimes he wishes they would stop reminding him of the dangerous side of his “blessing” and move on with their lives. Sometimes he wishes he can simply drown it all out like Lettie can, but every evening he finds himself unable to find sleep from the fear of one day hurting someone...again.

Phineas would rather not think back on the occasion where he hurt his parents whenever he lost control or anyone who had the heart to try and help him growing up.

That morning, after a restless night, Phineas decides to isolate himself in his office, hoping to just work himself to the point of forgetting everything. Then he hears that heavenly voice, the cool breeze that always seems to put his turmoil to rest, sound from the office door:

“Morning, dearest.”

Phineas looks up from his desk, smiling at him, although he knows it doesn’t stretch from ear to ear as it usually does, “Morning, my darling.”

Phillip huffs a small laugh, hanging his coat up with his scarf. The younger man walks over to Phineas’ desk, leaning down to press a kiss to his cheek, only to stop halfway when he sees dark circles under his eyes, “Phin? Did you sleep at all last night?”

Phineas turns his head away for a moment, trying to hide it, “Yes of course.” he says admittedly too quick, “I just woke up a lot earlier than usual because of this new idea I had, that’s all.”

Phillip gives him a doubtful look, “Phin-”

The ringmaster quickly closes the space between them, kissing his partner softly, making sure to not let his body over heat-

_ All you do is destroy! You’re nothing but a menace! A ticking time bomb! _

He separates their lips, shaking his head, “Don’t worry so much, you’ll get age-lines.”

Phillip still looks doubtful, but he allows Phineas to withhold whatever is bothering him this one time (against his greater instinct to know that something is wrong), “Alright, just try and wake up enough for rehearsal, the turn-out for the next show is projected to be huge.”

“I will, I will. But first we need to discuss a few things before we start rehearsing.”

“Business already, huh? Not even an ‘I love you’ first?” Phillip quips, sitting at the chair across from Phineas,

“Darling, you already know that.” he winks at the younger man, “But I’ll tell you again just for your sake.”

Phillip furrows his brow at him.

Phineas leans forward, looking into those unnatural blue eyes, before kissing him on the nose, “Love you, my little snowflake.”

The ex-playwright scrunches up his face with a giggle, relaxing in his chair with an exaggerated exhale, “I hope you know the feeling’s mutual.”

They immediately get started on their day to day discussions, going off on tangents about their day; how Phillip read up on a new book by a new author, how Phineas learned a new hat trick (then proceeding to show it off much to Phillip’s playful annoyance).

For a moment, Phineas did forget all of what made him so tired in the first place, the only thing on his mind was Phillip, and the only thing he felt was absolute love and adoration for him.

**\------**

That all changed once rehearsal started.

Of course it kicked off as usual with group vocal and physical warm ups, the troupe of course continuing their banter and conversations, talking about their evenings, a new move they want to learn (which Phineas would chime in and ask for them to demonstrate immediately), then it would go into rehearsing and practicing their newest routine. Just business as usual, business that Phineas and Phillip loved.

As hours passed, Phineas began to grow frustrated, be it from his lack of sleep or just the thoughts he pushed away creeping into his mind once again. Normally when he grows frustrated, he leaves before his emotions could get out of hand, but this time he felt the need to push through it, to forget his silly insecurities. He’s not a little boy anymore, he shouldn’t be bothered by any of this! Phineas decides to try and brush it off like Lettie always told him to, like what Charity always did when they were still together.

This time it’s so much harder to ignore. Those voices screaming in his head grow louder and louder every time he messes up, trips on himself, or misses the smallest cue. When they stop for what seemed like the hundredth time, Phineas practically growls in frustration.

Phillip comes up from behind him, resting a hand on his shoulder, “Hey, Phin, do you need a moment-”   
  
“No! I’m fine I just need to keep trying!” Phineas groans, running a hand through his hair,

“Dearest, you’re getting frustrated. Maybe it’s best you go and take a breather, the show isn’t for another month-”

“You don’t understand!”

“I do-”

“ _ No you don’t! How can you?! _ ” Phineas stomps his foot, his voice growing louder,

Phillip removes his hand, raising a brow, “Phineas, what has gotten into you??”

“ _ Nothing! Now just leave me alone-! _ ”

He turns on his heel to face Phillip, but suddenly a great plume of fire comes from his palm. His world goes quiet, the only thing piercing his eardrums is Phillip’s painful scream as he collapses to the floor, cradling his arm as he whimpers, his hands shaking as frost covers them.

It takes Phineas a moment, but once he does he feels his knees weaken under him and his blood go cold. 

_ He burned Phillip _ .

Phillip looks up at him, his eyes watering as frost begins to form around him, clutching his arm to his chest. Phineas can see it. It’s burnt an ugly shade of red, making his skin look splotchy and blistered, Phineas follows the curvy path of red all the way up to Phillip’s bicep, his other hand hovering just above his skin as to not hurt it worse.

“Ph-Phin…” Phillip says, his voice cracking,

He should have ran to comfort him, he should have held Phillip and uttered a million apologies to him, but his legs moved on their own accord as he ran out of the ring, covering his face, running to the nearest isolated area.

_ You’re a freak! A disaster waiting to happen! You probably killed your parents and ran away! That’s it, you better run! Monster!  _

Phineas finds himself stumbling and falling into the back storage room, a quiet sob leaving him. He hurt Phillip. He harmed the love of his life and he just  _ ran away _ ! Phillip is probably in so much pain right now and he can hardly bring himself to face him. What kind of coward is he?

Phineas picks himself up, only to crawl behind a stack of boxes, breathing deeply to try and get a hold of himself, but it’s quickly cut off by a soft cry. All he can hear is Phillip’s scream. He knows Phillip’s especially prone to burns being what he is. He knows his partner can only handle so much heat at once. 

But he burned him, he hurt him.

Phineas is fearful that this will make Phillip afraid of him all over again, that he’s not going to want to kiss him ever again, let alone  _ hug _ him. Phineas now starts to fully cry at the thought of Phillip never wanting to touch him again simply because he’s afraid of him. He may never say it out loud, but he secretly loves the small touches, the light grazes of their hands, even the briefest of kisses. Phineas has been so deprived of that since he became orphaned, he forgot the feeling of someone hugging him, Hell even the first time Charity hugged him he never wanted to let go simply because he didn’t want the feeling to never end.

The first time Phillip ever hugged him was so overwhelming that he felt on the verge of tears when he pulled away.

No one ever wanted to come close to Phineas because of what he was, but by God he  _ really _ wants someone to hold him right now. But who would want to after today? Everyone saw what he’s capable of, everyone saw him burn Phillip. Who would even think to comfort him after this?

Maybe he should have never confessed to Phillip, Phillip never deserved this pain, not from his father and most certainly not from Phineas, the one person who he grew to trust after years of the heat only being used to torment him.

Phineas gripped his hair as he curled into a ball, his knees to his chest, just crying uncontrollably. He was a fool to become comfortable with affection. He should have never desired it in the first place. After all, no one ever falls in love with a person born of fire.

~

An hour later, he hears someone walk into the room. Phineas lifts his head up only to see a shadow on the ground from the doorframe. He scooches into his corner more, trying to make himself seem smaller.

Then he hears the most beautiful voice, “Phineas? Dearest, are you in here?”   
  
_ Phillip. _

Why is he here?? Phineas hurt him! Phillip should be running off scared! Phineas curls up tighter, not managing to stifle a sob.

He then hears footsteps get closer and closer, stopping just beside his hiding spot. Phineas looks up to see those gorgeous blue eyes staring right back at him. For a moment he feels calm until he sees bandages wrapped around his forearm all the way up to his bicep.   
  
Phineas immediately feels another flood of tears, hiding his face, “G-go away….” he rasps, his voice cracking, “I-I’ll hurt you again.”

Phillip moves to kneel in front of him, “It’s okay, Phin, it doesn’t hurt that badly anymore, I know it was an accident.” he reaches his hand out, but Phineas cowers away from it like a scared child,

“D-don’t touch me!” Phineas shouts, feeling his eyes well up with tears, “I’ll burn you again!”

Phillip disregards his statement, putting a hand in his hair, “Phineas, it’s okay, I’m here for you, just breathe.”

Phineas shivers at the coolness of Phillip’s palm, but he finds it soothing oddly enough. In that moment, the dam in his eyes breaks once again as he looks over at Phillip’s bandaged arm. He lets out a pained sob, shaking in place as he whispers, “I-I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.I never wanted to h-hurt you. I-I’m a monster, I knew I never should have gotten so attached to you. I only end up hurting the people that I love.” Phineas hates how his words have began to slur together, he wants so badly to hug Phillip, but he’s so scared he’ll burn him again-

In an instant, Phillip pulls him into a tight embrace, burying Phineas’ head on his chest, “Phineas, it’s okay, just calm down, shh…” he starts to rub circles on his back, “You’re not a monster, it was just an accident, it happens.”

Phineas cries onto his chest, wrapping his arms around Phillip, letting his cold yet pleasant body calm him down, “B-but what if the next time it’s worse! What if it gets too out of hand and it hurts you worse, or kills you.” Phineas says through his crying, God he doesn’t even want to think about losing Phillip because of his own curse getting the better of him,

“You’re not going to kill me, Phin, don’t cry, take deep breaths.” Phillip soothes, running a hand through Phineas’ mussed hair, “I know you won’t let it come to that.”

Phineas looks up at him, the next words that escape him hold all the emotion he’s been bottling up for years, “I-I’m so scared, Phillip.”

Silence.

Phillip looks at him for a moment, his own eyes becoming glassy as he gently kisses Phineas, “I know..” he whispers, knowing the pain and fear of losing control, of letting his own powers get the best of him, “I know, Phin.”

Phineas clings to him, burying his face onto Phillip’s shoulder, just sobbing uncontrollably, unable to form words.

**\------**  


After what felt like hours of them sitting there, Phillip leads Phineas out of the storage room, holding his hand while keeping his damaged arm to his side and out of Phineas’ line of sight. Phillip can feel the heat fading as they walk to their office, knowing Phineas has more than likely been keeping this from him for a long, long time.

He sets his partner on the couch, sitting down shortly after. Their hands remain intertwined as Phineas confesses what has been bothering him and how the events of today only made it worse.

Phillip of course understands the feeling all too well, after all he’s only been told his powers is a curse, and the only reason he wasn’t thrown out was because of the high esteem others with his abilities were held at (as well as his parent’s reputation).

Soon after the air was cleared between them, he could see Phineas dozing off, emotionally and physically exhausted from everything. Phillip decided now would be a good time for the both of them to relax for a moment. He lays down behind Phineas, draping his bad arm over his waist, pulling Phineas close to his chest.

He hears a small, “I’m sorry…”

It sounds nothing like Phineas, no disguises, no gimmicks, no fancy vocabulary, it’s just Phineas Barnum, pure and raw, “I know you are, and I have forgiven you.” Phillip presses a kiss to the back of his partner’s neck, “Please know this wasn’t your fault, dearest.”

“I know but..” Phineas trails off, “How did they get it to not hurt?”   
  
“Anne took me to her caravan and put an ointment made from her plants on it. Worked like a charm.” Phillip nuzzles onto him, “Although it will take a few weeks for it to heal and..there may be a scar.”   
  
“Yet another one…”

“This time around, I think this one will be the only one that I would like to look at.”

“Why?” Phineas turns his head, his eyes still red and raw from all his crying,

“It reminds me how much that you love me, in a strange way at least.”

“How??”

“Every other time, I knew there would be only more to follow, at least now I know this will be a first and last time.” Phillip kisses his cheek, tasting salt on his face, “I’ve heard scars are ways we can permanently remember things, events that may have taken place..well, let’s say I would like to remember this moment.”

“Of me crying like a child?” Phineas huffs, “Of me hurting you?”

“Of you learning to trust me more, of us becoming closer than ever.” Phillip corrects, “Of course I’d like to be closer, but that’s going to have to wait.”

Phineas blushes at the implication, “Yeah…”

Phillip yawns, “Rest up, dear, we can’t have you working yourself to sickness, now can we?”

Phineas yawns in return, moving as close as he could to Phillip, “I suppose not.” he sinks into Phillip’s arms, breathing steadily, deeply, before mumbling, “I love you, Phillip…”

Phillip closes his eyes, his own breath beginning to slow down, their bodies becoming a neutral temperature as they both relax.

“I love you too, Phineas.”   
  


**Author's Note:**

> -*jazz hands*-
> 
> If you want to see more of my art/writing, please follow me at nerdy-snowflake on tumblr and deviantart
> 
> Have a good rest of your day/evening \o/  
> ~PT


End file.
